Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Pretty Little Liars All

    You're a liar and so am I. You may not know it and most days I don't. As a matter of fact I pride myself on being "authentic" and honest which really is a cosmic joke on me. Because the truth is that we can't handle the truth, please deduct blog points here for borderline plagiarism! So we make up stories about our lives, we give ourselves labels and then we cling to our made up identities as if they were the last life rafts in a sea of delusion. We write stories about ourselves all day long and we will often fight to the death to defend these stories. Religious wars, anyone?
One of my favorite prayers is by Rabbi Abraham Heshel. He prays "Lord, please do not let me deceive others but more than that do not let me deceive myself".
Stories are great for campfires but when we keep a white knuckle grip on our own stories what gets strangled is often the truth. So, what is the truth?

    No, really what is the truth? I hope you didn't think I came prepared with that answer. All I know is that all that exists for sure are molecules and the space in between them. I have placed my belief also in the Judeo Christian faith which states that "We shall know the truth and the truth will set you free". So, I guess I have to start there. But I recognize that this is my chosen belief and there is a difference between truth and beliefs. Jesus tells us to come to God like little children. Being childless by choice I don't have too much to go on here but it seems to me as if children are full of wonder and questions.  Wonder and questions seem like a hallmark of humbleness. And clinging stubbornly to our made up truths seem like a sure sign of pride. So humility is the path to truth?

    If I follow this crazy train down the track the only logical conclusion I can come to is that being sure we are right makes us wrong. How deliciously ironic is life?!  Another example: I tell my awesome husband "I love you" and then I am impatient and rude to him. Scripture clearly says love is patient and kind. So once again I have lied to myself. Do I truly love my husband just because I have "warm feelings" and I told him so? Or is the hallmark of love actions? The truth is not so clear. When I was younger everything was black and white. You were either my God fearing friend or a sad atheist, a liberal or conservative, an intellectual or a dunce. But now the world is painted in shades of gray and the way to the Truth is to let go of all of our little truths.

 So, today as long as it is today,  I will endeavor to remember that my stories are just that: stories. I will work to come into conversations and relationships without assumptions. The less I know the closer I feel to the truth.
The truth I believe is that, yes, there is a God and , yes we are all connected to each other and to God. This is my belief  but every single time I label you and label me I feel this truth slipping away.
Today I will come to life with open hands and an open mind as I recognize that just because I believe it doesn't make it true. Mabye...

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