Awesome YOU!!

     The world tells us we must act a certain way, look a certain way or perhaps obtain just the right product to be acceptable. the self improvement industry runs rampant over hurting hearts confirming what some suspect: you are not good enough, you are not worthy. But....

What if you are already awesome and you just don't know it?  What if you are good enough? Don't you know you are God's masterpiece? "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my Mother's womb" Psalm 139:13." Why is it so easy to be astonished and grateful at God's canvas in nature and marvel over a majestic mountain or a spectacular sunset but then look at ourselves, a product of the same Divine Artist, and see a collage of flaws and inadequacies? Two truths I try to remember always: 1) I have areas that could be improved and 2) I am perfect right now this unimproved moment.

 

     I don't  remember this just for me, I do believe this to be a universal truth. You are flawed and perfect in the same breath. What if your "flaws" are what make you perfect? We are here to grow even as we lovingly embrace who we are now. Growth that is motivated by self loathing can quickly turn toxic while growth grounded in self love yields the most brilliant blossoms. According to Tara Brach, a great Buddhist teacher, the core wound of all humanity is the belief we are not good enough to be loved. But over and over God demonstrates love for us in scripture, in nature in tiny unseen everyday miracles. Our very core is spirit linked to God, our very core is holy and good. God is wooing humanity as we hang our heads at our imperfections He is whispering "You are perfect". So who are you gonna believe, the Divine Creator shining love on you or your ego mind telling you that you are not worthy of love? I don't teach and practice yoga to become someone better or to try to get  into crazy pretzel shapes (although that can be fun) but rather to  uncover and remember the core goodness of humanity, all of humanity not just the people I admire but everyone who has breath.

 

     Our ego minds collude with society to tell us we are alone and we are not good. But the quiet whisper of Holy Spirit in our hearts tells us we are a beloved part of a connected whole. When you love yourself you are loving your neighbor and when you love your neighbor you are loving God. We cannot say we love God and continue in resisting self love. It is not about improving who you are but rather revealing your basic good nature and awesomeness!

"The aim of life is self development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for"

Oscar Wilde

A Recipe to Grow a Human

 

When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor E. Frankl

 

       Like a plant or even a single celled creature you and I are at our most basic just a living organism and not above the basic rules of life. I know, I know: you really want to be much more advanced than that luscious fern hanging from your back porch and in some ways we may be, but in the most basic life activities you and the plant are peers! So every creature that ever lives has spent their entire lives in one of two states, growth or protection. When a plant is growing we assume they are just gaining mass and when it is in protection mode it is in a state of maintaining homeostasis.With a human these states are clearly more complex and yet the same states. When we are growing we may be gaining or losing mass, or our growth may be intellectual, emotional, creative, or consciousness expansion. Humans grow in alot of directions unless we are stuck in protection mode and then our resources go to defense which presents as tension, anxiety, fear, hardened muscles and constricted minds. When we are in growth mode our blood is mainly in our bellies, viscera, organs and brain providing nourishment for evolution, but the minute we go into protection mode our blood rushes to our limbs prepared to fight or flee.

     So, while it is natural to experience both growth and protection what is not natural is the constant fear messages our modern society sends us. These messages are so embedded in our lives we often don't realize we are getting stuck in protection mode. Yesterday enjoying a quiet moment meant to nurture growth all of the sudden a horrible screeching emitted from my cell phone. Immediately I felt my calm disappear as I went to find the source of the offending sound. It was an Amber alert.  Now don't get me wrong I think warning a population to be observant for children in danger is a great thing. But what is not great is the three more times it went off before I figured out how to turn the sound off on Amber alerts. Next to the Amber alert there was a button for Emergency alerts. So those of us with cell phones, hello everyone, are carrying around a device that at any second can begin screeching about an emergency. This may up our chances of immediate survival but the long term affect is that we get stuck in protection mode and do not grow to our potentials. The Amber alert on the phone is one example in a million.  Hello, 24 hours news!!   Our society basically breeds fear and fear in turn puts us into protection mode which brings growth to a dead stop. So whats a growth minded individual to do?

     We notice our moments. At every moment in life you and I are in one of three states. We are either in aversion (trying to push away our immediate experience) or we are in desire (trying to hold onto a moment) or we are cultivating the compassionate observer and just being present. Both aversion and desire are forms of fear that switch off our growth state. Aversion may be a more obvious form of fear (oh get it away before it hurts). But desire is also fear motivated as grasping pleasure is just the reverse of pushing away pain. So the only state in which we grow is when we are nonjudgementally and compassionately observing our lives. Observing does not mean being distant or unemotional. Observing means being aware that your mind is not the whole of your consciousness; observing means returning to breath awareness; observing means realizing your deepest truest self is not bound or defined by the moment you are experiencing but rather the moment is one pearl in the lustrous strand of your life. Observing probably means alot of things I am not aware of yet, but one thing I do know is that pure observing is free of aversion and desire. So notice the next time you feel emotionally charged. Are you pushing something away or trying to hold on to something? If so take a moment to return to breath, to return to the deepest truest you, to return to growth. Who knows the awesome places you'll grow!! The good news is cultivating your observing self works if you work it. Take a moment today to just sit and breathe and notice your thoughts and then do it again tomorrow, and again, and again and again and ... Stealing one from the US Army: Be all you can be! Let's start today, in this moment. Peace

Chipping Away: the daily grind

      Everyone loves a "mountain top experience". A moment when God feels as close as our heartbeat and we sense our own goodness and love. Everyone loves a milestone moment, cheering runners as they approach the finish line, ohhhing and ahhhing as an artist unveils a magnificent painting.
But who really wants to talk about the hours spent on our knees that possibly led to that mountain top experience? Who would be interested in discussing each individual step of the marathon or stroke of the painting? Well, probably not many.These mundane "chipping away" experiences where we inch towards a result are the story equivalent of a snooze button; wake me up when we get there!
But the problem is that if we only get engaged and excited about the beginning and the end of an experience we spend most of us life unengaged and unexcited.

     Life is the mundane middles, the repetitive experience is the thread in the tapestry of our lives picture. The mountaintops are few and far between and yet we breathlessly await our mountaintops and barely notice our mundane. Imagine a beautiful pearl necklace with a sparkling diamond pendant hanging in the middle. Almost everyones eyes will be drawn to the diamond barely registering the lustrous pearls reflecting back light to us. But without the pearls there would be no necklace. The pearls are our moments strung together to create a life. The diamond perhaps the birth of your child, the achievement of a handstand or another rare moment.. The point is we will have many pearls and few diamonds in our lives so it would behoove us to pay a little attention to the pearls. Becoming really present as you wash the dishes yet again is so much more enriching than the natural excitement of a trip to Disneyworld.

     Our lives become richer still as we awaken to the mundane. Is this the thousandth time you have made a PB&J sandwich for lunch? Well, can it be the first time you really noticed making it perhaps directing a little loving energy into the project soothing your nervous system as you spread the sweet jelly?  Maybe the sandwich will taste better and maybe not, the result should not be the goal. But rather the awakening to the experience. I haven't written a blog in awhile because I have been "chipping away". Hundreds of handstand hops and days of repetitious floor mopping and flier hanging do not make a compelling story. However the gradual awakening to the mundane is adding layers of sweetness to my life. Here's my story, "we'll I did the dishes a thousand times and then last night I was really present doing them. I noticed the suds and my feet on the floor and the breath in my lungs as I scrubbed". Yea, this story is compelling to no one but me. But there is a point!
 And that point is mindfulness is cumulative and the only places that we can accumulate enough practice to awaken are in our daily mundane business. Yesterday after a nice class a student said with a deep sigh "if I could only hold on to this feeling". Well, clearly he can't spend all day at Quiet practicing yoga,  but what he can do is meditate as he sweeps his floor, count his blessings as he drives to work, do deep breathing as he waits in yet another long line. It is the mundane and the daily grind that are the true stories of our growth and lives. Being bored is simply not being awake to your life.
So, nothing to report here really. I just have to go fold some laundry and pay attention.

This is the day the Lord has made, I will we rejoice and be glad in it (even if it is only a Tuesday!)

Enslaved No More

     "It is for freedom that I have set you free." These words in the New Testament have never been particularly clear to me. I am happy to be free but what exactly does that even mean? With the exception of incarceration most people in this country are thankfully free to come and go as they please. Free to chose wise choices or spend their days watching daytime television with a bag of Cheetos on their laps. On the surface of our lives we all appear to be free. But in this season of Passover as I think about freedom my mind goes to the people who aren't free and what that means.
At the very most basic level a loss of freedom means constriction (jail cell) or tightness and freedom means space and expansiveness. So, as I do in my search for embodied spirituality I turn to my body for answers.

     The areas where we hold tension are areas where we are metaphorically enslaving ourselves.
The clenched jaw does not allow our words to be free, the tight neck does not allow the chest muscles to soften and free the heart. Where we clench we stop our life force from flowing freely. We lose our freedom.

     One of my favorite meditation techniques is Breathwords. In this simple techniques you reign in the mind by repetitively thinking one word as you inhale and another as you exhale. for example inhale thinking "peace" exhaling thinking "health", really any life affirming words will work. This gives the mind boundaries to become stiller allowing us to tap into our inner quiet. So this week I have been combining the breathwords "Be free" with body awareness. Every time I inhale I think the word "Be" and let my attention rest on my feet or face, but it is the exhales that are amazing me. With every exhale as I think the word "free" I find an area of tension to release. The more fluidity and softness I find in my body through this technique the more expansiveness I feel in my spirit. I have been doing this on and off the mat. You can do it anywhere really.

So this week just a short blog to share what I am up to. Something simple, yet profound as I continue to seek out areas where I have enslaved my body with tension and loosen the shackles the freedom is ever increasing in my heart and mind.

So how about it? Wanna "Be/Free" with me? Try this simple technique and you may be surprised as you find new levels of freedom.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery

Galatians 5:1

One year later

     Today I really don't have any grand plan for writing something helpful, no story that will neatly illustrate a usable lesson for you. I have had a hard time blogging lately because I have been having a hard time in general and I don't want a whiny blog, but there it is. life has it's ups and downs, doesn't it? Yoga for me is acknowledging the brightness in dark moments and remembering in moments of joy that they can be fleeting. The life we attempt to flow in is made much smoother by not fighting the currents. When the current gets rough and threatens to smash us against a rock that is ironically the time to relax a little to soften the blow, but when we hit a smooth patch where the sun warms us as we drift lazily, well we need to make a choice to swim a little in order to keep moving.
I forget this and in life when struggles come up I tend to struggle more and when things are easy sometimes I forget to swim and begin to slowly sink until losing my breath reminds me to move.

     Today is the one year anniversary of my studio, Quiet. The one year anniversary of throwing myself off the deep end, officially linking my spiritual and professional journeys. 365 days and each one a mini adventure in soothing sorrow, taming pride, falling down, getting up. Adventures in being amazed at the students who teach me, being grateful for the times a lesson I have shared has helped someone along their path. Even now a year later it doesn't quite feel "right" to call the people who come to Quiet students. We are co-learners/seekers walking a slow but steady path. It is a simple path but not an easy one. The path to victory passes through many gates of surrender. Some surrenders are easy: release that posture when your breath grows jagged and your limbs shake. Some surrender is harder, surrendering the need to be right is a good one. Some surrenders are perplexing. This year I hear God whispering to me to "surrender my image" and I don't even know what that means. But all surrender is made easier to realize we are surrendering our will to a loving, omnipotent and benevolent God who "works all things together for our good". That has been the one steady constant through the ups and downs of this year. God's goodness which shines down on us like the rays of the sun. Not dependant on my behavior, the sun keeps shining on the best and the worst of us.

     One of the more recent shifts God has given me at Quiet is realizing that the traits that we assign to God are the traits that we will subconsciously grow in ourselves. Recently I taught a class themed on dealing with suffering and the next day I broke out in a painful itchy head to toe rash. For the first few days I thought "well, God allowed this rash to emphasize the lesson I had taught". Kind of a subtle way to label God "mean". But through prayer and time I realized that maybe God had used the suffering class to prepare me for what He knew was coming. Wow, much nicer of the great I AM!
So what would I believe? I rooted out some deeply hidden belief that God was just a little harsh (head to toe rash?!) and returned to the belief that God is with us and guiding us and preparing us for all things. I will continue to examine what I really think of Gods character as I continue to walk the Quiet path. I have learned this year that a teacher doesn't really "tell students stuff" but rather leads them to their own wisdom. So I am going to go meditate now and not try to tell myself how this first day of my second year will go but rather I will go sit and listen and enjoy the waters of life.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me

Psalm 42:7

Pillars of the Path

     I have never really understood the seemingly contradictory ideas in Christianity that God wants everyone to be with Him and sent Jesus for the benefit of the whole world. But then there is alot of emphasis on "the path" being narrow. I know I am supposed to believe that the narrow path means that only those who repeat the words "I accept Christ as my saviour" will be the ones with God in Heaven. This does not settle well in my heart. Either God loves the whole world or He waits for us to mutter this phrase then we're in. Nope not buying it anymore. My God is bigger than that, big enough to love everyone who seeks Him whether that seeking takes them to mass or to temple, to a remote mountain or a sweaty yoga class. I believe that everyone who is seeking God is called by God. And while my path is to follow Jesus both as a saviour and also as a darn good role model I respect it when you faithfully walk your path. So what's up with the emphasis on a "narrow path"?

       Well, I believe the path is even narrower than we imagine. That the path to spiritual growth can only be found in this second. Remembering yesterday and predicting/planning tomorrow may have their uses but spiritual growth is found in the here and the now. In Thessalonians 5:17 God tells us to pray "without ceasing". This seemingly impossible direction is made a lot more accessible when we begin to work with using the breath to bring us into present moment awareness. At any moment in your life no matter where you are you can stop and notice your breath. And when you consider that it is with one big inhale that our earthly life beings and one last exhale that changes our form then this breath in this moment can become a holy prayer and we pray without ceasing. One of the two nonnegotiable pillars of a healthy spiritual path then I contend is Present Moment Awareness. The good news about this is that awareness (being awake to spiritual truth in this moment) is cumulative. I started my awareness journey years ago by meditating 3 minutes a day and while I slowly added on to my seated meditation time over the years the more important fact is that those mere 3 minutes began to lead to moments of awareness in daily life. This is not unusual, it is just how it works. You introduce mindfulness to your life in any amount and it begins to grow and wonderfully infect all areas of your life. Jesus was an awesome meditator and He tells us to follow Him. A quick online Bible search turns up 25 instances of us being told to meditate in the old and new testaments. So what are you waiting for? Don't just sit there and do nothing:meditate!

     The second nonnegotiable pillar of human evolution is compassion. Remember the answer to the question "What is the greatest commandment?" "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as you love yourself". So what if you don't like yourself? What if you hate your neighbor? Well, these are just emotions and all emotions are just thoughts that we have written a story about. Compassion has very little to do with emotion! Compassion is cultivating a friendly open curiosity towards yourself, God and people. Compassion is listening to someone without writing a story about their story. Compassion is noticing when our own behaviours disappoint us and sitting with that disappointment without judgement. Compassion is simultaneously saying no to our ego and not demonizing itbut remembering that we must love all parts of our self.
Who is more compassionate the person who writes you a love poem or the person that listens to your worst sins and still walks by your side without judgement? Can we be this person for ourselves? I find that when I am teaching a class if I have prepared for it with a self compassion moment the people in the room seem softer and more open. If I am compassionate with myself as I grocery shop sometimes a person will make bright and loving eye contact or the checker may sense the compassion waving off you and stop for a deep breath.

     So no matter your path, your religion or your spiritual practices are you will find that the twin pillars of Presence and Compassion are the legs that walk you down that path. I love this because these two holy states are available to us always and everywhere. Maybe three minutes is too much for you today, how about three breaths? Maybe self compassion is overwhelming and too uncomfortable to consider right now. How about cultivating compassion for your ceaselessly beating heart or your hardworking feet? There is a seed of Presence and Compassion available for you to grow in every moment. And when your present moment life begins to unfold before you, you discover the truth of Acts 17:28 "for in Him we live and move and have our being" . You are never alone but rather surrounded by Loving Presence. When your compassion begins to mature it makes your easy moments sweeter and your challenging moments softer.

When you learn self compassion you are Love; When you cultivate Presence you are living in Love.

Let's begin here.

Let's begin now.

Thy Kingdom Come

     When I take to my mat with my highest intention it is always to connect to God. Sometimes, of course, I do yoga for other reasons, but the deepest desire of my life and practice is to be more intimate with God and to allow the man made separations between us to dissolve like the illusions that they are. So it was,  that I found myself practicing my asanas (postures) to the mantra (chant) of the Lord's prayer. This is the prayer in which Jesus models how to pray. Of course we aren't to just blindly parrot His words but to use the Lords Prayer as a template to go deeper. It begins cordially enough acknowledging God "Our Father Who art in heaven" acknowledging that even His name is holy "hallowed be Thy Name". But then the first direction it gives us to pray is "Thy kingdom come". If this is something that is important for us to pray I want to know why.  What is God's kingdom? How do we make it come? I have lots of questions that wikipedia doesn't necessarily cover! Here's the answer I am exploring at the moment. Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking but a matter of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit". So, most of us get that our food choices are linked to health and ethics but not really a huge factor in our God relationship. If we are eating spiritually the only command we are given is to not be a glutton and to not let our food choices stumble others. So, being a proactive person, I'll move on to the "doing part"... I want to be righteous and peaceful and joyful if this is how God is calling us to bring His kingdom. But how?

     Righteousness is simple. Not easy, but simple. Righteousness comes from hearing the Word. What this means is to simply know the rules and laws of your chosen faith structure and follow them. If you wanna be a righteous citizen follow the laws of the land you live in and if you want to be righteous in God's eyes, follow His commandments. So to this end I am recommitting to daily time in the Bible. I have not allowed my daily quiet time to lapse, but sometimes I just read an inspirational book or meditate and it is not sufficient to be righteous. If you want to be a righteous Muslim, read your Koran, if I want to be a righteous version of myself I gotta get into the scriptures I was born into: the Judeo Christian Bible. Don't just expect God's laws to soak into your psyche, study!

     Peace, again simple in concept, peace may take a lifetime to become a constant reality in our lives. To the best of my current understanding, peace is uncovered in us when we are satisfied that what is happening in the present moment is God's will for us. And if we subscribe to God's omnipotence (which I do) then every moment and every space is occupied and under the command of God. So we may not like what is happening in a moment but that does not mean we cannot accept it as His will. Accepting Gods will is not resigning to pain and miserable moments, but rather knowing God is with us in all of our moments the ones we label good and the ones that hurt our heart. When pain comes, we can struggle and moan and potentially exacerbate our pain, or we can accept it is under Gods control and turn to prayer for direction and comfort.

     Joy is the quality I am most actively exploring right now. Joy in the Holy Spirit seems to emanate from a renewed mind. A mind that is placed on God and His word. A mind not allowed to run amuck, but rather a mind that is examined, cleansed and mostly controlled. I have been watchful of my thoughts and beginning to recognize unhealthy ones as they begin. We all have joyless thoughts, they just happen but what are you going to do with them? The first thing God tells us to do with our thoughts is to examine if they are true. Are you really a hopeless loser or is this thought a lie? Are your thoughts lovely? If your thought is not true it must be replaced immediately with a true thought. for example  "I am a loser" can be replaced with " I am a cherished child of God".God calls us to true, lovely, noble, pure,  good and kind thoughts. A tall order, I know, but an achievable one with time, diligence and persistence. And it is when we line our thoughts up with God that we are joyful in the Holy Spirit. Joy is not found outside of you, but uncovered as you slowly allow your mind to be transformed. So, there it is: righteousness, peace and joy! And just like we are to take to our mat daily if we want to rock those yoga postures we need to work our righteousness, peace and joy daily if we want to be a part of "Thy kingdom come". It is my joy to walk with you fellow child of God as we go deeper this year. Happy 2013!

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15