Thy Kingdom Come

     When I take to my mat with my highest intention it is always to connect to God. Sometimes, of course, I do yoga for other reasons, but the deepest desire of my life and practice is to be more intimate with God and to allow the man made separations between us to dissolve like the illusions that they are. So it was,  that I found myself practicing my asanas (postures) to the mantra (chant) of the Lord's prayer. This is the prayer in which Jesus models how to pray. Of course we aren't to just blindly parrot His words but to use the Lords Prayer as a template to go deeper. It begins cordially enough acknowledging God "Our Father Who art in heaven" acknowledging that even His name is holy "hallowed be Thy Name". But then the first direction it gives us to pray is "Thy kingdom come". If this is something that is important for us to pray I want to know why.  What is God's kingdom? How do we make it come? I have lots of questions that wikipedia doesn't necessarily cover! Here's the answer I am exploring at the moment. Romans 14:17 "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking but a matter of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit". So, most of us get that our food choices are linked to health and ethics but not really a huge factor in our God relationship. If we are eating spiritually the only command we are given is to not be a glutton and to not let our food choices stumble others. So, being a proactive person, I'll move on to the "doing part"... I want to be righteous and peaceful and joyful if this is how God is calling us to bring His kingdom. But how?

     Righteousness is simple. Not easy, but simple. Righteousness comes from hearing the Word. What this means is to simply know the rules and laws of your chosen faith structure and follow them. If you wanna be a righteous citizen follow the laws of the land you live in and if you want to be righteous in God's eyes, follow His commandments. So to this end I am recommitting to daily time in the Bible. I have not allowed my daily quiet time to lapse, but sometimes I just read an inspirational book or meditate and it is not sufficient to be righteous. If you want to be a righteous Muslim, read your Koran, if I want to be a righteous version of myself I gotta get into the scriptures I was born into: the Judeo Christian Bible. Don't just expect God's laws to soak into your psyche, study!

     Peace, again simple in concept, peace may take a lifetime to become a constant reality in our lives. To the best of my current understanding, peace is uncovered in us when we are satisfied that what is happening in the present moment is God's will for us. And if we subscribe to God's omnipotence (which I do) then every moment and every space is occupied and under the command of God. So we may not like what is happening in a moment but that does not mean we cannot accept it as His will. Accepting Gods will is not resigning to pain and miserable moments, but rather knowing God is with us in all of our moments the ones we label good and the ones that hurt our heart. When pain comes, we can struggle and moan and potentially exacerbate our pain, or we can accept it is under Gods control and turn to prayer for direction and comfort.

     Joy is the quality I am most actively exploring right now. Joy in the Holy Spirit seems to emanate from a renewed mind. A mind that is placed on God and His word. A mind not allowed to run amuck, but rather a mind that is examined, cleansed and mostly controlled. I have been watchful of my thoughts and beginning to recognize unhealthy ones as they begin. We all have joyless thoughts, they just happen but what are you going to do with them? The first thing God tells us to do with our thoughts is to examine if they are true. Are you really a hopeless loser or is this thought a lie? Are your thoughts lovely? If your thought is not true it must be replaced immediately with a true thought. for example  "I am a loser" can be replaced with " I am a cherished child of God".God calls us to true, lovely, noble, pure,  good and kind thoughts. A tall order, I know, but an achievable one with time, diligence and persistence. And it is when we line our thoughts up with God that we are joyful in the Holy Spirit. Joy is not found outside of you, but uncovered as you slowly allow your mind to be transformed. So, there it is: righteousness, peace and joy! And just like we are to take to our mat daily if we want to rock those yoga postures we need to work our righteousness, peace and joy daily if we want to be a part of "Thy kingdom come". It is my joy to walk with you fellow child of God as we go deeper this year. Happy 2013!

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15

Let's Be Friends

     Like most people, I have had lots of good times, travels to far away lands and parties full of vibrant people have added fun and flavor. I have sat down to thousands of delicious meals and been on the receiving end of many a great massages. And for all of these moments I am grateful, they are the icing on the cake of  life. However eating just icing quickly leaves you malnourished and even hungrier. Nourishment comes from connection, a tree to the soil, a baby to it's mothers breast. Connection to our inner lives, connection to other people who are light for us and mostly connection to God are what feed us. And that is why I am more grateful for all the times in my life I have labeled as "bad" and "hard". The times addiction spiraled out of control, the times I left restraint behind and allowed my anger free reign. The times I felt sufficient pain to venture into that dark room in my soul are the times that ironically led me to a more self nourishing place. A place of connection to true self. If the good times had been a constant I would have never met the pain that led me to the best times. The times of connection and deep soul satisfaction were birthed in pain. So I humbly thank that pain.

     For years when I would feel pain part of me would recognize that I was in a dark place and that I needed to do something about it. But not having acquired many tools I tried to banish the darkness in my soul by willing it to go away or perhaps cussing it or perhaps talking about it with a friend or therapist, fighting darkness with darkness. Not realizing that my pain could lead me closer to God I would cry out for comfort and relief. But here's the lesson I am sure many of you learned long ago, darkness cannot banish darkness. When I will myself to be better because I don't like who I am I am only adding darkness to darkness heaviness to heaviness and clothing my soul with muddy shoes that make it harder to travel. Self loathing leads to self loathing which leads to dark behaviours which leads to self loathing...an endless spiral into darkness which can seem pretty overwhelming. But here's the awesome part: all it takes to banish darkness is one tiny little speck of light. Even a glimpse of self compassion lights up a soul enough that the darkness fades. It took me a long time to quit fighting my dark side. It felt scary and defeatist to do so. It felt like if I stopped the struggle to be good I would cycle down into being completely bad. But when I stopped the struggle, well the struggle stopped. And when the struggle stops we can reallocate our energy towards tending the spark to light the candle of our souls. To stop begging God for relief and begin appreciating the Infinite Love of the Divine. To rest... Our culture doesn't support this much, rather we are encouraged to "fight the good fight", to "suck it up" to "just do it". All of these attitudes have a time and a place but for the tender work of soul healing they aren't particularly useful.

     Rather bringing light to my dark soul has looked a little more like a warm fuzzy hug and a little less like fisticuffs. I needed to make a new friend and that friend was me. Thinking about the qualities I value in a friend (kindness, honesty, humor) gave me clues as to how to begin to treat myself. And as I nurtured this new little friendship with myself I barley noticed as the internal darkness turned to grey then slowly began fading into light. When I quit fighting, I began winning. "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still" Exodus 14:14. Today I remind myself what I value in a friend and I endeavour to apply those qualities to my own internal relationship. I stop beating at the darkness and instead reach for a light. The spark in my soul is lit by kindness, nourished with love and sustained by an awesome new friend I have in me. Is it time you made a new friend in you?  Become your own advocate and enjoy the bright flowers the spring up in the soil of your soul. Whatever you do today do it with an attitude of kindness towards yourself, a little patience for yourself and loving words to yourself and you will make a friend to last a lifetime!

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom....

Marcel Proust

Let Your (Christmas) Light Shine

     I wonder how many more outraged and sad conversations I will have this year with people about Christmas being ruined by either a) commercialism b) atheists or c) politically correct people insisting on "Happy Holidays. Not many I hope because, yogis, let's face it nothing can ruin the holidays for you like your own judgement and dissatisfaction. Every time you say Merry Christmas and someone answers Happy Holidays you can choose to let yourself bristle at their audacity of taking Christ out of Christmas. After all Christmas is not Christmas without Christ, right? But did you know the origin of the word Holiday is Holy Day? And when someone wishes you Happy Holidays they can be simply reminding you that we do take time out at the end of December to celebrate a few Holy Days. We should not allow semantics to cause us pain or create distance and judgement. If we want to be holy we have to love God and if we want to love God we have to love His creation and sometimes His creation takes the form of challenging people who don't think like you do.

     I loved finding out about the origin of the word holiday, it made me feel like I had a warm fuzzy secret everytime someone wished me Happy Holidays. But I have to admit to you that until Christmas 2010 I was also one of those railing against the commercialization of Christmas. I let my holiday spirit be eclipsed by preThanksgiving Christmas merchandise in the stores and I felt so righteous in my anger against devilish retailers out to "ruin my Christmas". It feels good to be self righteous sometimes, doesn't it?  However, like a bird, I am easily distracted and attracted to shiny things and it brings me much joy to see the lights adorning everything this time of year.
Being half Jewish we also celebrate Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights. So one night walking the hood checking out the lights I started to ponder all the lights, the purpose of the lights, the cross cultural desire for lights, the brightly lit malls, and Griswold style houses of some of my neighbors. What is it with humans and winter and lights? I don't think we desire lights at all, rather I now see a universal longing for Light. The Light of God connecting us to one another can never be outshone by a million twinkling Christmas lights. The Light of God shining through us in the form of a smile, a hug, a helping hand can never be replaced by mulitcolored bulbs.

     This universal desire for connection and growth is there year round but during the winter season we express our desire for Light literally with lights. So when I see a retailer pushing an early Christmas season now I remember they too are searching for light. They may be confused in thinking that money and sales will bring Light into their lives but still I remember the human desire for Light is being played out with their awkward displays. A neighbors over the top light display is just another cry for Light and connection. A parents desperate search for a popular toy is the really the quest for the Light of their childs smile. This desire for Light is not a JudeoChristian phenomenon nor even an exclusively theistic desire. It is a human desire to live in Light and the more I can see through the big crass Christmas displays to the quiet yearnings of the soul the more I can focus on being light for someone else this year. The next time someone starts to complain about the downfall of Christmas I am ready with my answer. I am going to ask them two things : what they like about the season (let's refocus) and how they plan on being light for someone else this Season (let's quit complaining and start doing).
    
     So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays bring on the lights the glitz the crass commercialization so we can remember to be a light for someone else. Being a light in this dark and (supposed to be) cold season has nothing to do with Black Friday or getting that perfect toy. Rather light can shine from a genuine smile, from a moment of presence and awareness as we gift someone our ear. Light can emanate from us as we find our calm and eternal center and operate from our core rather than continuing to squawk about how other people are ruining Christmas. So this season I remember that it is alright to go see the lights but it is far better to Be the Light and I will use every display and every obnoxious chipmunk song  to remind myself this over and over. Nothing wrong with presents it's just that the true gift is presence. Nothing wrong with hanging lights it's just better to Be A LIGHT!!

"But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and
more unto the perfect day. The way of the wicked is as darkness:
they know not at what they stumble."
Proverbs 4:18-19

Hungry Girl Healing Story

      I remember feeling so hungry and bleak a hunger that had nothing to do with a growling stomach or a need for nutrition. I was just soul hungry and I chose to answer that need with grilled cheese. So I made a sandwich and then another and another until I had compulsively, mindlessly and joylessly shoved seven grilled cheese sandwiches into my suffering body making it a matching set with my suffering soul. My history with food has not been a pretty one. I had alternately practiced binge eating and bulimia for most of my teens and young 20's and I was a dangerous combination of an unhealthy body mind and spirit. But this is not a story about then; this is a story about now. Now I eat when I am physically hungry, stop when I am full,  enjoy a variety of foods with a healthy appreciation and my only limits on food are that I must obey God in eating. So what does that mean and how did I get there? Here is my healing story.

      My story begins way before I will begin here, but I do try to keep my posts to one page! So today it begins at a diner in Nashville over pancakes with girlfriends. I had recently had a soul awakening that led me to bow at the feet of Jesus acknowledging Him as saviour and this led me into sweet relationship with God. I had seen the directive in scripture to not be gluttonous but I had no idea where to begin. Thankfully God had a plan! Enjoying my pancakes I made a casual statement to one of my friends  "I love pancakes" I gushed.  As soon as this observation had passed my lips I felt a heaviness in my soul and as clearly as I have ever hear the Holy Spirits whisper I heard "Do you? Do you LOVE them?". The question stopped me dead in my tracks. Did I understand love? How was it that I loved food? Thankfully I was dining with girlfriends in Nashville because we were at a woman's conference on God and food. That weekend God showed me that I had made food into a false idol that I turned to for comfort and I left the conference armed with a book on how to give my food to God. First there is a fast where we wait for hunger. True stomach hunger not emotional hunger was what I was searching for. The fast part was not that hard, self deprivation is a buddy to self loathing which is a pal to binging. I had a whole family of neurosis living in my hungry belly. So I fasted until my stomach was clearly hungry.
    
      The next part was harder: identify fullness, this part was horrifying because I was supposed to allow myself to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and that to a rapidly expanding fairly vain young woman was a terrifying proposition. The idea is that denial makes desire stronger and sure enough after a week or two of binging on all my favorite foods I woke up definitely craving vegetables. The next part while simple enough took almost a year to come to pass. We were to ask God before every meal to tell us when to stop. I had muffled Gods voice around this issue so much that about a year into repeating this request when I had the fork halfway to my mouth and I heard the still small voice of God whisper "stop" I just froze from surprise. Then I finished eating. Months passed with God whispering "stop" when I was full and me putting down the fork about 10% of the time, then 20%, then 30%, then...well you get the picture. This dance lasted for quite sometime until God got it into my head that nothing tastes as good as fellowship with His Spirit. That peace does not come from mashed potatoes and soul hunger is never satisfied with one grilled cheese. I generally blog about where I would like to go with God (deeper and deeper) but this Thanksgiving season soon after facing another Thanksgiving meal, but this time without dread but instead with true joy I just wanted to take a minute to thank God for where He has already brought me.. This was about a two year healing process, nothing instant or miraculous. Just a repetition of practicing surrender, falling down over and over and God picking me up over and over. I brought to the table a willingness to try to obey God and God brought everything else. Today it is nearly unthinkable to continue eating past my "stop signal" not because I am scared of getting fat or because I live under a vengeful God who will punish me for disobedience. But I cannot bring myself to continue past stop because God has showered me with an eternal love that is soul satisfying and unlike grilled cheese God is faithful and loving and completely soul satisfying. Why would I want to endanger this relationship for a sandwich, no matter how gooey?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest

Matthew 11:28

The Weight of Silence

     It is amazing the weight that silence can carry. Sitting peacefully and silently next to a loved one the quiet can wrap its arms around you both weaving a cocoon of companionship while sitting next to an angry loved one can feel as heavy as a soggy woolen cloak. This is about about another silence altogether. The silence of secrets is a heavy stifling kind of silence. A silence that whispers shame in your ear and convinces you that you alone are so wretched with your secrets. This silence is alluring to the ego as we work to protect our "image" The mind and ego work together well convincing us to keep our secrets. But as spiritual seekers secrets can begin to erode the soul dimming our connection to God. We are instructed to "confess our sins to one another" not for the purposes of shaming and blaming but to shine light into darkness. We stumble along our paths not realizing that all we need to do to shine a light along the way is be humble and truthful. Secrets and lies create only confusion and darkness.

     But here's the thing, when you set your sights on growth often times things get dark and ugly before they get better and at times the biggest obstacles in self growth are our secrets. Sometimes when we make it through little tests of growth the tests just get bigger and uglier. And I have arrived at such an ugly place that I don't wish to share. So my choices are to continue to write this blog and hit publish or to stall my growth in a cloak of secrecy. My secret is addiction, a sad statement that "no" my life is not enough.  It doesn't really matter to what "big 3" I turn: food, pot or booze, all three numb me enough to temporarily forget the tough parts of the journey. All three make me heavy enough to continue in the fog of self loathing that I am accustomed to. And, yet....I still hear the still small loving whisper of God calling me to self love. Love yourself...love yourself....love yourself. The constant caress of Gods truth like a raindrop carving the Grand Canyon begins to seep down into the cracks and crevices of my soul.

     Almost immediately after beginning to pursue God in 1995 He healed me of gluttony and supernaturally gave me a peaceful relationship with food. For this I am eternally and inexpressibly grateful.  However gluttony was not the root of the problem, dissatisfaction with a perfectly good life is. So with food in a healthy place I began about a decade distraction with alcohol. No drinking during the work week but boy Friday night I would attempt to glamorize the situation with precise martini recipes. Thanks for nothing Mad Men! There was about a year where I shook that martini shaker at least 50 times every time to achieve my "dirty bruised martinis" boy what an analogy for what I was doing to my beat up soul. I would end each weekend Sunday morning hungover at church which was not a edifying situation at all.

     So fast forward a thousand hangovers and ten thousand self lectures. Add one move back to Austin and here I am, no longer drinking to excess almost every weekend. As a matter of fact now I drink maybe once a month. Problem solved, hey? Um, yea not so fast. Alcoholism was not the root of the problem, once again dissatisfaction presenting as addiction continues to tear away at my life force with small sharp teeth. So, today, despite all of my judgement against it I have transferred my addiction to marijuana. And the "rules" remain the same. Clear headed during work hours but, boy, as soon as I am done I can grab my iPad and smoke a little pot and my mind is completely occupied as my spirit is slowly suffocated. OK, so no problem, right?  I have already shown the strength to put aside addictive substances, let's just do it again, right? Um, WRONG! I have only shown I can replace them but addiction continues to trip me up with one substance after another. So while I have no issue at all with drinking or smoking, I do have an issue with numbing and it is a mighty fine line I keep crossing. I have often spent long periods of just abstaining, but this was not curing anything just masking my pain. My study of scripture and time with the Lord all lead me to two conclusions: I need to be present and I need to be satisfied with the circumstances God has put me in. Addictive behavior is a symptom of dissatisfaction and it pulls me straight out of present moment awareness. I don't know where this is going but I do know that the only way to move through your spiritual blocks is to shine a light on them again and again. I no longer want to keep switching additive substances but rather I chose to til the soil of my soul enough to pull out the roots of addiction. So, today, I actually hope this blog goes overlooked in the vast blogoshpere....because maybe exposing my secrets here shines enough light to continue to move towards God. All I know is it is too painful to stay in the dark when the glorious light is close enough to taste and I am reaching my hand into the light hoping God will pull the rest of me through to Him.

      If I drank myself to the point of homelessness or began to foray into "hard drugs" the need for change would be more obvious. I do have a sweet life that I am very happy with and that makes it all the easier to overlook the need for clarity. But, here's the one "small glitch" in my plan. My primary agenda for my life is to grow closer to God as I age and my behaviour is not supporting my agenda. When I overindulge, the still small voice of God  begins to grow dimmer dissolving into a smoky haze of illusion. But slowly God is showing me to keep filling my days with good things, yoga, meditation, prayer, nature and He will continue to faithfully heal me. It is not through self loathing that healing comes, it is not even by fighting my demons. But rather by continuing to pursue God and nurturing myself. So for the last few weeks I have argued with myself and presented myself a thousand good reasons to not write this blog. After all it is tied to my professional site. If I lose students, friends or your esteem that has got to be ok because it all keeps coming back to obeying God's voice while it is still to be heard. If Quiet goes down in flames and my employers cut their ties to me it still has got to be ok.But God has commanded us to shine light into the darkness of our secrets.  Do I want to stifle the Divine whisper or sit in the stillness and listen? This is the question I must ask now. Not "what will they think?" So today I risk your judgement for the chance to sit in stillness and clarity with God. And that is a gamble that today I am ok with.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin.

Homecoming

     We all have with varying degrees the privledge of defining ourselves personally and professionally. A few years ago my Dad was rock climbing the greenbelt with a group some familiar faces and some new friends. My Dad was at the top of the rock when a new friend called up to him "What is it that you do?" Despite the less than optimum timing of the question my Dad still replied, yelling down "I am a landscape architect". There was a pause in which you could almost see my Dads ego quivering and he yelled out again "No, damn it, I am a gardener". This story makes me so proud of my Father's quest for humility and it also makes me wonder how I define myself.  As a yoga teacher my professional parameters are broad. I have chosen to link my spiritual growth with my profession. This serves to discourage complacency in myself and with a fairly strong lazy streak that is a good thing. At the same time setting yourself up as a spiritual teacher can be quite a dangerous place if you start to think you have "arrived" anywhere. I do not teach what I have learned as often as I share with a class what I need to learn. I am not pretending to be the capitian of any ship but I am happy to grab an oar and row along with my students as we navigate the currents of spiritual growth.

     So, when I hear myself struggling to articulate spiritual paths with students it is ok. But when I feel my ego step up onto her soap box I remember spirituality is a practice and it might be time for more personal practice. Thankfully I believe I have identified the primary area where the great majority of us need to practice. The foundations of our spiritual life are laid at home and within our immediate family. We are familiar with the scripture that instructs us to "love your neighbor as you love youreself" I saw this scripture translated from an ancient text and the translation read "love your closest one as you love yourself". Closest one? Um, spouse, parents, siblings, children...these are our closest ones. So why is it that we so often put on shiny spiritual faces for stranges, students, homeless people, everyone but our family? Why is it when we get home we get complacent with the behaviours such as patience and service, the behaviours that feed our spirit?
    
      I can read scripture and meditate with my classes until I am blue in the face but if I am not practicing all of this at home then my spirit life is a shell. I cannot patiently listen to a students challenges and dismiss my husbands and consider my actions godly. It is easier sometimes to recognize that annoying stranger as a mirror reflecting ourselves than it is to see yourself in your parent. But we must be careful to nurture our spiritual growth first in the home, then with the family and then with others. Spirituality is after all measured relationally and God has given us our nearest and dearest with purpose in mind. Our in laws and families of origin are no random choice but the very people we are meant to grow with. So while it is nice to put on a spiritual face in church or in a yoga studio it is imperative that we authentically practice these practices at home. It does not matter if you consider yourself to be a spiritual seeker and your family could not give a hoot about growth in God. It does not matter if your family is comprised of saints or sinners, winners or whack jobs...these are still your primary spritual partners. So , while I love to remind my students of Gods love for them it is often just calling my Mom or making my hubby a sandwich that is the true spiritual work. So sometimes from the top of that rock I want to yell down "I am a landscape architect" but then I remember I am really just a gardener and perhaps instead of lecturing it is time to til the soil. So, today I will define myself as wife, child, sister, aunt and within those parameters I will set my sails to catch Gods soft breezes.

I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed.
-- Anais Nin

Fear No Evil

     There is a scripture in Ecclesistes that says a cord of three strands is not easily broken. I first discovered this scripture in the mid 90's about the same time God graciously provided me with two amazing prayer buddies. We used to reference this scripture alot to reinforce the idea that the three of us were stronger together in prayer than we would be alone. That's where I was at the time. But fast forward a decade and while we still pray together "in the spirit" we live thousands of miles apart and so here I am no longer a triply braided cord but just one small strand in Gods hands. But even as the scripture kept whispering to my soul I just did what I know to do, I prayed and prayed some more and waited.

     Meanwhile, I am moving deeper and deeper into yoga teaching and as my practice progresses I am really getting to know myself and some of it is not quite so pretty. When I discover my capacity for perseverance and  kindness it is certainly a heartening moment but when I discovered my equally strong capacity for impatience and control let's just say it isn't such a sunny moment. We are all wonderfully awesome and we suck, such is the human condition and no one escapes it. So one day after God revealed to me alot of deep inner darkness I felt particularly sad and I turned to a familiar pray:

"Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death I will fear no evil" my prayer was recited with a pretty weak voice full of self judgement. And God interrupted me, God Who is Love whispered to my heart. "fear no evil including the internal evil". Wow. Now let me clarify, I do not harbor fantasies of violence or hate no Hitler style evil here. My evil, much like yours, is the evil of judgement, haughtiness, the evil of greed and fear the evil we excuse as our character flaws. The part of myself I have labeled "Hungry girl"...that is my evil. But God made it clear I was not to fear "my evil". Here's what fearing my evil might look like:

Hungry Girl "You really deserve that ________, it's been a hard week"
Me : "My voracious appetite is going to take over and snuff out my light" (whimper) "I will never amount to anything, I will never get into handstand off the wall, I will never...I will never....I will never!" (stomps foot)

     All that internal fear triggered by one suggestion from my dark side and here is God saying to not fear any evil. Doesn't He know my potential for self destruction? Of course He does! And, still God whispers to not fear this part of myself. Much reflection and prayer brought me back to the idea of the triply braided cord. God says a triply braided cord is strong and who doesn't want the kind of strength God admires? I have come to believe that this triply braided cord refers to me alone and you alone. Humans are dark and light and divine not always in equal measure but those are the three components of man. So we work to shine our light, hide our dark and get closer to the divine, but it doesn't work to keep stuffing our darkness. So here's how it goes now, at least some of the time!

Hungry Girl "I really deserve that treat (whine)"
Me: (setting an intention of loving Hungry Girl) "well, let's pray about it" and I come home to my breath & stillness for a moment.

     I don't have to always say no to my desires but I don't automatically say "yes" without a moments connection to the divine element of me. Triply braided cord: dark, light, divine and fully human! So what if today instead of taking your dark side out for a beating or letting your ego control you, what if you stepped back and took a look at all sides of you with compassion? Shine a light in the corners of your soul. No matter how much you feed your light side your dark side will always exist and you cannot ignore it without damaging consequences. So what to do about it? Well, for you, I don't know  that is your journey. What is working for me is compassionately being with my dark side. Not so that Hungry Girl can take over and "turn me evil" , but it is with love that Hungry Girls sharp edges are softened and she becomes more of a team player. her voice grows softer and less demanding as I turn a loving eye towards her.

     So today I will not beat myself up and try to wrestle my ego, but instead I will remember that just like you I am good, I am bad and I am divine and when I put it all together and reject no part of myself I am doubly strong. When God tells us to love ourselves I do believe He means all parts of ourselves. May the Hungry Girl or Boy part of you find themselves nourished with a diet of compassion, hope and perseverance.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.