"God defined is God confined"
I spend way too much time thinking about the Divine Mystery. I am not saying that thinking about God is a useless activity but I am saying that our "thinking thing" may not be the best place to find the "rest" of God. Our thought process are so entwined with our egos they are almost impossible to untangle and the ego is simply our organizing tool. It puts aspects of ourselves and our lives into boxes trying to keep us safe and to keep life "manageable. Our ego is the ultimate "label maker"! But this thing we call God is unboxable, undefinable. ineffable and defies all labels. We cannot "know" God, but I do believe we can "feel" God and rest in this Divine Mystery as if we were lounging luxuriously on a sea of warm unconditional love. This is not a thing you can think through, it is just a thing you do or don't. You are called to rest and you answer, and if your answer is spending a lot of time thinking you probably aren't resting and trusting!
They say that humans don't chase God on their own but that we only respond to God calling us deeper. Like little magnets we don't move until something attracts us, like Divine Love, we find ourselves being drawn in, drawn deeper. Deep calls to deep. So, eventually God called me deeper into this mystery focusing on my heart center instead of my thinking thing. This is a lovely place to rest. Our hearts are the seat of courage and the place in which we find self regard. While our brains suggest a thousand ways which we can improve our hearts softly whisper with every beat "I love you darling" beat beat beat beat "I love you darling" beat beat beat beat "I love you darling"... It is tempting to linger here in this new found oasis of love. And as I linger and the love grows I find it spilling over on to others. There would be no shame in stopping here. A lovely place to linger. Stay for awhile and come back to visit as often as you can, but the journey is far from over.
Deep calls to deep and I will follow. And so I find myself in the murky, depths of my belly. There are lots of foreign words for the wisdom of our bellies. Japanese call it "hara", Italians call it "pancia" they both mean that there is a deep gnostic knowing in our guts, a wisdom beyond what our thinking things can comprehend, a wisdom even deeper than our hearts know. While resting in the heart is kinda like resting in a spa, the gut feels less indulgent, more demanding of radical truth. The gut is the teacher that says "I know you can do better". When we are not living our lives authentically, not living our truths we literally cannot digest as well. Our guts will call us out. But the thing is this may be tough love, but it is true love indeed. And so I rest my awareness on this deep and mysterious place and slowly it grows slightly less scary. And in the gut I find a fierce feminine energy that can overcome all obstacles and slay all demons.
At first it is scary until you realize that in your gut is a love so fierce that it will move up and break your heart open. then the light seeping from an open heart rises to expand your mind and gives you the courage to go back down into your gut. Only on this second visit instead of finding a scary fierceness, you find the fierceness of grace. The aspect of the Divine Mystery that will not stop until your entire being is lit up with Gods love. We are meant to shine, but for that to happen we must first venture into the murky darkness within. "The kingdom of God is within" scripture says and I no longer see this as a metaphor but as "real" as this keyboard and the table on which I write. We will never find true rest externally in this busy world but deep inside each one of us there is an oasis of Gods love in which we find rest. So. be still darling you are perfect as you are. It is time to rest. When deep calls to deep answer without hesitation and you will be led to an oasis so rich and sweet you can respond no other way than by resting in it.